Just Words

Please excuse the colours. I'm just learning about HTML colors so things are a little off around here right now and I don't have time to fix it tonight. I just got so tired of seeing the same drab, default colours so this is better for now. Can't seem to find where to change the colour of the underlines yet though... grrr...

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That word means something different every time I use it.

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Let's take this oportunity to dispense with some bullshit, shall we? I'm sick and tired of hearing about everything being blamed on the Jews. Conspiracy theorists pointing fingers at banking establishments. Holocaust deniers. Muslim extremists claiming that every political decision not made in their favour has been made by the Jews. None of these people can name a single Jew who has wronged them. They merely refer to the "bogeymen" in the world who are their ultimately devious enemy and then they name them "Jews."

I've read articles about anti-Semitic conspiracy theorists. Oftentimes they are also holocaust deniers but I'd like to deal with that issue separately. Typically they say that Jewish people are all in league with each other against the rest of society. They (the Jews) run all the major banks and they always lend money to other Jews with little or no financial reasoning making it harder for other people to get what they need from the banks. But this assumes that the average person has a right to borrow money from the bank in the first place. This isn't true. Banks are providing a service with the purpose of making a profit. It's in their best interest to make decisions solely on that basis. No one has a right to what is inside a bank unless they have an account there with an appropriate balance. Another thing the conspiracy theorists accuse is that all the richest businesses and corporations are run by Jews, including most major entertainment enterprises. First of all, can this really be true? Was Rockefeller a Jew? Or Howard Hughes? Does anybody know the names of the "Jews" who supposedly control Hollywood? What about all these Japanese corporations that have been swallowing American businesses whole for years? (e.g. Harley Davidson, its very image based on being non-Japanese, is now owned by a Japanese company) Surely these Japanese aren't Jewish. Secondly, so what? So what if a few companies are run by people of Jewish descent. If they weren't good in business they would lose money faster than they made it and the capitalist survival-of-the-fittest dogma would victimize them like anybody else.

Holocaust deniers are interesting. I've talked with a few in person. The lack of logic that they claim to be logical is almost laughable. The first thing they say is that all those Jews weren't really mass-murdered with no chance to defend themselves in WWII. And then the next thing they say is that if it had happened it would have been right. Why don't they just admit that it did happen and be proud of it? If you ask me, this whole thing comes back to Hitler. Jews weren't the only group that was persecuted in WWII. A lot of people forget that millions of Christians were killed too. Why, you ask? It had to do with Hitler's megalomania. He wanted to become the next god-figure. He ordered his own picture put up everywhere. He turned Germany into a religiousless state whose only figure aspiring to godhead was himself. He even took on a title that implied his egotistical goal, the Fuehrer (for those who don't know it translates as "the Leader".) But Hitler's self-consciousness and unwillingness to look the slightest bit defeated prevented him from performing the most important function of a prospective god. Martyrdom. When Russian tanks rolled over the hills in view Berlin Hitler devised a counterattack that he claimed was the beginning of the end for the Russians as it would smash their over-extended lines and shake them into disarray. Of course, that never happened and Hitler ended up waiting on the roof of his bunker for artillery shells to wipe his body from existence because he refused to be taken alive. The few Nazi officials that were captured shortly thereafter all denied the existence of a program to exterminate the Jews until video evidence of it surfaced during the trial and they knew they were caught. This was because they knew that what they had been doing was wrong. Think about it. If they really thought they were performing a service for humanity then they would have admitted it and been proud of the fact without feeling the slightest bit ashamed. They didn't have the nerve that Hitler had to admit what they were doing and face the consequences. And Hitler didn't have the nerve to become the martyr he would have to become to achieve spiritual immortality in the hearts of the future generations of Jew-haters. Yet they cling to his image.

Muslims are bitter that Western Powers (mostly Britain and the USA) have interfered in the affairs of their region after WWII by creating the state of Israel centered on the city of Jerusalem. Let's ignore for the time being the purely economic motives that have caused these conflicts. Israel was created to make up for an ancient wrong that has been perpetuated against the Jewish people for centuries. It is right that they have a place to call their homeland. Perhaps placing them in the middle of a large number of Muslim nations in an age that includes rocket missiles and the atomic bomb was a little hasty. Sure. The city of Jerusalem is considered holy ground by the Jewish faith. But it is also considered holy ground for Christians and Muslims. And let's not forget that it has been held exclusively by Muslims since the last "successful" crusade somewhere near 800 years ago. The general feeling at the end of WWII was that part of the reason why there had been so much anti-Semitic sentiment in the world was that the Jews had no place to call home so they lived in everybody else's backyards. The Western powers wanted to find a solution but no one was willing to volunteer a piece of their own country to facilitate it. So they conquered a piece of a different country and transplanted as many Jews there as they could. They were given some assistance to get started and then were left on their own. Problem solved, right? The Jews had their own homeland away from everyone else (the Western everyone elses) they had previously annoyed and their fortune was then their own to lose or keep. But it didn't exactly stop there for Western involvement in Middle Eastern affairs. There was a lot of oil to be had in the Persian Gulf. And a lot of money to be made because of it. Both of these conditions have aggravated the Middle Eastern situation for 50 or 60 years now. With all the money that has been spent on military excursions in the Middle East, research could have been done to find a more functional and efficient (and maybe even clean) energy source could have been found to replace our dependence on oil. In addition, we could have been a society of incredibly enhanced and intelligent (not to mention clearheaded and scientific) people who could accomplish so much more with their technology than with their military. Instead, the Japanese get to claim the above-mentioned description and the Western people get to be loudmoth buffoons who threaten to drop bombs every time someone gets out of hand.

To blame your problems on a faceless enemy that you can't see, face or prove a case against is a purely fascist tactic. Hitler used it with the Jews, the Roman Catholic Church has used it with the idea of the Devil and burning in hell, and now contemporary propaganda-dispensing groups are using it for their own schemes. The idea is simple. Everybody has someone to blame for their woes and someone to retaliate against when they want revenge. Anybody who has read my entire blog will know that I can be as angry and vangeful as anybody. But the key is to keep it in perspective and not go on tilt with everything you've got left. Could it be that the only people who have been right this whole time are the insanely paranoid? I don't think so.

So I am issuing a standing challenge for anybody out there who wishes to pick up the gauntlet. Any anti-Semitists out there who are looking for a chance to prove that they're right about what they think they know can email me and see if they really have the kind of logic it takes to convert someone of the opposite view. I've heard that there is literature somewhere in the world that actually supports the ideas of various anti-Semitists and I've even met people who claimed to have read them personally but no one has ever given me any reading material to suggest that what I know of history is untrue. Be warned that I've won many arguments of this kind in the past so I could be counted as a kind of champion in this field. Although I won't brag too loudly because usually anti-Semitists don't have their heads screwed on tightly enough in the first place. And on that note, with the gauntlet thrown, do your worst.

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What would happen if the Chinese government publicly executed the Dalai Lama with international television coverage? Would we deify him like we did to Jesus? I'd rather not say "we" here but I'd like to pretend for a minute that I'm a part of this world and the society of people that resides here. Would the Dalai Lama support his own persecution the way Jesus appears to have done? Would people place enlarged pictures of him above makeshift shrines to mourn his passing like they did with JFK and Kurt Cobain?

Here's another thought. Would the Christians and the Catholic Church try to discourage and avoid any apparent similarity between the Dalai Lama and Jesus of Nazareth? Would the media be thrown into another tailspin about which way to direct traffic?

If the Dalai Lama were to meet the Pope, would the Pope try to convert the Dalai Lama to Christianity? If not, then why would the Catholic Church bother trying to convert anybody from any other faith? I mean, what's the point of converting people if you're not going to convert them all? Isn't conversion about saving the souls of the people you're converting? Is it true that in a democracy the religion with the most votes wins? Could this be the real reason for all these conversions going on? Far be it for the Christians to mix religion with politics...

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I had a long visit with my good friend Stefanie last night. It's been a long time since I could say that. There was a time when I wouldn't have ever said that she was a good friend. But now I'm confident that I can trust her. So in honour of this occasion, I looked up the word "friend" on Dictionary.com and I learned something new that I'd like to share.

friend
n.
1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
4. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement: friends of the clean air movement.
5. Friend A member of the Society of Friends; a Quaker.

tr.v. Archaic friend·ed, friend·ing, friends
To befriend.

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[Middle English, from Old English frond. See pr- in Indo-European Roots.]
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friendless adj.
friendless·ness n.

Word History: A friend is a lover, literally. The relationship between Latin amcus “friend” and am “I love” is clear, as is the relationship between Greek philos “friend” and phile “I love.” In English, though, we have to go back a millennium before we see the verb related to friend. At that time, frond, the Old English word for “friend,” was simply the present participle of the verb fron, “to love.” The Germanic root behind this verb is *fr-, which meant “to like, love, be friendly to.” Closely linked to these concepts is that of “peace,” and in fact Germanic made a noun from this root, *frithu-, meaning exactly that. Ultimately descended from this noun are the personal names Frederick, “peaceful ruler,” and Siegfried, ”victory peace.” The root also shows up in the name of the Germanic deity Frigg, the goddess of love, who lives on today in the word Friday, “day of Frigg,” from an ancient translation of Latin Veneris dis, “day of Venus.”

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This sucks. I finally get the kind of random advertising that can really propel my career and they're trying to force people I know into paying to see it. That's fine. I'll just take the link out and it'll be a reference to a mysterious article that no one can find...

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Well. It's over. Calgary 3, Vancouver 2. Calgary moves on to face Detroit and the Canucks get to play golf. I'm kind of glad in a way because now I can keep the rest of my fucking hair. These last two games have been too stressful. Two shitty penalty calls in the 3rd period cost Vancouver the game. I've been calling it all year. Referees hate Vancouver.

The last two times that Vancouver and Calgary met in the playoffs: it was in the first round; the series went into overtime in the 7th game; and the winner eventually made it to the finals. I guess we'll get a chance to see if history repeats itself.

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On a non-hockey related topic, I recently got my name in print! Even though I had to personally know the writer of the article to do it I think it still counts. It's an engineering thing so it's way cooler than my previous brush with fame.

Voiceover: For anyone who can't remember or never knew, Spencer once had his picture featured on the front page of the Vernon Daily News for an appearance he made at a "Legalize Marijuana" rally. In the end, this will either have killed or started his political career.

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Okay. I have to tell this story now that Ken has brought it up. It was December 24th, 1994. Ken, Craig and I were heading into town. I was driving. We made a spur of the moment decision to stop off at a friend's house to wish him a Merry Christmas because that's what friends do. It was about 5 PM. We turned off the highway onto a gravel road that headed to our friend's house. Of the 3 of us, only Ken had ever been there before and it had been earlier in the year. In daylight. So now that it was very dark with snow covering everything the road looked quite different than it had the last time Ken had been on it. We weren't really sure that we could find our friend's house but we thought we'd try anyway since we were in the neighbourhood.

I saw a blurry, shaggy shape appear on the passenger's side of the road just before the car made contact with it. I had enough time to apply the brakes but not enough time to avoid hitting it. All 3 of us exited the car. It was a dog. It was still alive but fading quickly. We knew there was nothing that could be done for it. It didn't look like there was very much damage to the car so we started looking for the owners. It turns out that the dog belonged to a farmer up the road. I had a serious lump in my throat as he first approached me. I used to have a dog when I was a kid and I can only imagine what it would be like to lose one on Christmas Eve.

We talked to the farmer and explained what happened without trying to stress too abundantly the fact that it wasn't our fault. He explained, in return, that the dog was very old and had been abused by it's previous owner. It was mostly blind and completely deaf and it probably hadn't known my car was there until it was far too late. He also explained that they had planned to put the dog down in just a few days time because that would be the merciful thing to do at Christmas time and that his children had already agreed that that was the best thing and had already dealt with the impending loss of the dog. Putting the dog down was going to cost a fair amount of money that the farmer didn't want to have to spend.

All this made me feel much better about the whole incident and the lump in my throat went away. We thanked the farmer and got back in the car. Collectively, we decided that we probably weren't going to find our friend's house in the dark after all and the ill-conceived plan from the start now had an ill omen attached to it so we turned around and headed straight for our original destination, back to town.

Our first stop in town was Denny's restaurant. We were pleased to note that it was open until 7 PM on Christmas Eve and we were even more surprised to note that the friend we had attempted to visit at his house was, in fact, sitting in the restaurant appearing to all the world like he was waiting for something to happen. At which point we sat down and told him the craziest story.

We drove down a deadend gravel road to visit a friend who was not home at his house which we couldn't find and on the way we killed a dog which was already marked for death. At which point we turned around and left. To any outside observer we must certainly have looked like dog assassinators who travel around the countryside saving poor farmers the expensive of a veterinarian's needle.

Merry Christmas. WE KILLED YOUR DOG!

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Spencer: "Dan, who do you think first said 'small things assume small minds'?"

Dan: "Don't you mean 'amuse'?"

Spencer: "Why? What did I say?"

Dan: "Assume."

Spencer: "Oh yeah. Amuse."

Dan: "I don't know."

Spencer: "I mean... What kind of person do you think they were?"

Dan: "A jerk?"

Spencer: "You're my friend, Dan."

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The things in life that people feel passionate about always reflects a part of what they feel proud of in themselves. A person who collects stamps or ornaments is usually sentimental. A person who collects butterflies usually has an affinity for nature. People who feel passionately about any sport usually have a great respect for fitness and for people who excel. People who have strong feelings about one team in particular usually want to believe in that team's success and greatness.

Hockey is a great team sport. It has a lot to do with momentum and work ethic, two things that every human experiences throughout their lifetime. When some people experience setbacks with some aspects of their lives they let that get them down and affect all the other things they do. We tend to think of these people as negative or depressed. Other people have one or two things that have gone very well for them recently and they carry that good feeling with them into the other aspects of their lives. We tend to call these positive people. The same thing works in hockey. Once your team starts winning (or starts coming back from losing) that momentum can carry them forward in a steamroll effect. The team getting rolled over has to stop the forward momentum of the opposing squad so that they can build their own momentum. A team that is losing 4 to 0 can feel a little deflated. And a team that is winning 4 to 0 can feel a little indestructible. When life is beating us up, sometimes all we need is a little bit of confidence so that we can pick ourselves up and carry on.

A great hockey team that isn't working hard to win the game can get trampled by a lesser team that is working hard. The same is true in life. If you are really good at something but you're not working very hard at completing it, you're not going to get very far very fast. I've seen very talented people sink in their own laziness and complacency during the prime of their lives when they should be making the most of every opportunity. On the ice, I've seen some very good hockey teams, especially the Vancouver Canucks, get walked on by teams that merely want to win more than the Canucks do. Although I shouldn't pick on them because the same thing happens to the New York Rangers and the Pheonix Coyotes and a few other teams. If you've ever had something that you wanted more than anything but you would rather sit on the couch talking about it than actually doing something to achieve it then you deserve exactly what you get. A fat ass from sitting on the couch.

There are many reasons why we work hard in our lives. Many young boys (and girls) dream of being on a professional hockey team. But not for the same reason that they dream of winning the lottery. Being on an NHL team wouldn't be like sitting around in the sun for most of the year waiting to reap your accolades. Summer training camp isn't about suntanning on the golf course. The guys on the team have to work hard to get what they want. The same thing happens in life. How many people work at a desk in their current jobs? Is the chair comfortable? Would there be any psychological advantage to sitting in a less comfortable chair to remind yourself that you're there to work instead of relax? Think about it and get back to me.

I watch hockey because I want to watch the team that I have chosen as my own play the game I enjoy. I don't play hockey myself because I can't skate but the game itself is a symbol of pride in the country I live in and watching it bonds me to the other people who live here. If Vancouver loses to Calgary tomorrow I'll console myself by saying that they lost to another great Canadian hockey club. And if all the Canadian teams get knocked out in the first round then I'll say that at least the majority of the players are Canadian. And if the USA ever tries to pretend that they love hockey more than I do I'll remind them that they only wanted it in the first place because they saw us loving it so much.

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Vancouver hockey fans can learn a lot from the people in Calgary. I used to live in Vancouver. The people there disgust me. The hockey fans only like the team when it's winning. And they're so ready to give up. How many times have I heard someone say, "Oh well. They'll just screw it up like they always do." I'm watching Vancouver play Calgary in game 6 right now. Vancouver was winning 4 to 0 halfway though the 2nd period. If this were Vancouver losing to Calgary by the same amount at the same point in the game in Vancouver the fans in the crowd would be dead quiet. They would have given up and waited for the team to do everything for them. But what did the fans in Calgary do? They got louder. They got more excited. They started chanting.

LET'S GO FLAMES
LET'S GO FLAMES
LET'S GO FLAMES

By the end of the 2nd period Calgary had cut the lead down by 2 goals. In the third period Vancouver got run over by the Flames. 2 more goals for Calgary and Vancouver looked like they had lost any chance to win. Why did they feel this way? Because the fans in Calgary were so excited. Pumped. Raging. Driven. Manic. The fans in Calgary believe. They didn't care that their team was down 4 to 0. They didn't care that until that point in the game the Flames looked like they were just killing time. They took the initiative. They made the first move. They didn't wait for the team to start winning for them so that they could cheer. They cheered anyway. They love their team and they believe that they can win. They have believed that their team could be great for the past 11 years when the Flames didn't even make the playoffs.

You never see anyone in the Saddledome cheering for the opposing team like you will in Vancouver. People who have gone so far in their lack of belief in the ability of their home team to win that they would rather cheer for anybody else. No one in Calgary is a Vancouver fan.

I guess it comes down to the eternal question. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Should the team start winning first so that the fans can cheer? Or should the fans start cheering first so that the team can have a reason to win?

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The hot water heater in my house crapped out the night before last. Imagine my surprise when I tried to shower yesterday morning. Last night I had to boil water for 45 minutes just to have a bath. It actually made for a fun game because the pots were all different sizes so they all boiled at different times. By the time I had enough hot water the bathroom was like a sauna. Dan wanted to Hawaiian hotbox it but I told him to boil his own damn water.

The Canucks lost last night:( A tough game too. That godamn Kiprusoff stops too many shots. I mean, he's truly amazing. The only goal scored on him was a fluky shot that bounced off Henrik Sedin's chest. He was picking off wraparound shots that he couldn't even see. Padstopping re-directions right in front of the net. Man that guy's good. If this keeps up I might even start hating him.

I am determined to make it to Jiu Jitsu tonight. The playoffs and the overtime at work have taken their toll on my recreational time and I'm feeling very badly about it. I get this weekend off, though:) For those of you keeping score at home, that's 2 weekends in a row. Something which hasn't happened since sometime in February. If I can go to 6 more Jiu Jitsu classes in close succession then I should be good enough to take my orange belt test. The whole orange belt training has become an issue with me. I know all the moves but I'm just not coordinated enough yet to take the test and the fact that I've been working on it for so long is making me bored. But I have to realize that it's really my own fault for missing so much training. Things will be much better once I've moved on to green belt. Learning new stuff is what it's all about.

Take care out there and remember to keep your stick on the ice.
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Anger like a locomotive. Steam engine boiling. Getting hot. The man in the furnace room has heard that there's a limit to how hot it will get down here but he's not sure he believes it. He wonders how hot it's really gonna get. And where did all this coal come from? Someone must have really pissed this guy off. Have to keep shovelling. Use up as much of this excess fuel as possible. You leave it lying around and accidents could happen. Gotta burn it up. But when the engine gets too hot there's a chance it could blow. Hope that doesn't happen on my watch...

But those days are over. My younger hothead days are past. I've traded in my steam engine for a diesel. The fuel is much safer to store but it explodes when it's under too much pressure. Instead of large explosions with lots of heat it's thousands of tiny explosions every minute. Pulse racing. RPM's climbing. Can't slow down. Gotta make it up this next hill. Gotta climb to the top. Can't let anyone think they're faster. Can't let anyone think I'm not gonna make it. And still the same old source for fuel. People doing shitty things at shitty times for shitty reasons. But I'm not gonna get caught in a rut this time. I'm gonna take this anger and use it to fuel my rise to the top. Leave all the losers behind. Always thinking about the people in the coach that I'm taking with me. And trying to forget all the people who missed the connection...

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I'm standing in line to get lottery tickets. The guy in front of me is just buying cigarettes. Players Filter. I step toward the counter.

"I'd like a six-pack for the super 7 draw, please."

"Sure thing."

"Don't you think it should be a seven-pack?"

"Pardon?"

Surprise leaps onto the woman's face. Someone has just asked her opinion about something and opinions aren't something that people normally expect of her. Small eddies of panic swirl in her mind before she realizes that it's not something important.

"You know, it is the super-7 draw, after all..."

She gives me a blank look that I recognize well because I run this gag just about everywhere I buy lottery tickets. She wants to explain to me that beer comes in a well-known packaging configuration called a "six-pack" and that since this is so well-known but not actually copyrighted it should be easier for people to buy a group of lottery tickets with that same simple catch phrase. But then she realizes that I'm not a foreigner and, of course, I know that. So she starts to talk about some other explanation for why it's just a six-pack but realizes just before she begins that she doesn't know how to put her idea into words and besides all that she can't deny the logic of my argument. All of this takes about a quarter of a second.

"Well... that's an interesting idea... I never thought of it that way."

I thank her for my ticket and leave.

Yes. I do have the winning ticket this time. And no you can't see my numbers because I'm very paranoid of someone else playing the same ones and having to share the jackpot. I've taken statistics in university. I can calculate the odds of winning exactly. But I don't believe in all that. I'm human. Which means that my brain is capable of creating an irrational interface with the outside world which will override all mathematical arguments against spending good money on poor chances. Isn't this the way it is for everything?

Your brain can convince you that you stand a good chance at a lot of different things that it should know better about. This is the birthplace of all delusions. A connection between your imagination and your needs which creates a hopeless hope that you may not be able to circumvent without outside help. My advice? Get a friend who thinks clearly and has your best interests at heart. Then ask their advice. After all, every good doctor will recommend getting a second opinion.

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Well. This is it. That science fiction future you thought was so far off is actually just over the horizon. Check out this article from the New York Times. Humans controlling robotic arms with implants in their brains. Next will be complete mechanical exosuits to allow paraplegics to walk again. But you just know that some arch-criminal is eyeing up the technology to become super-strong so he can rip the doors off of bank vaults and leap tall buildings in a single bound to avoid the cops...

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There's no worse kind of betrayal than the betrayal of a friend. Someone you have trusted with something. Someone you care about. And when other people try to tell you about it you refuse to believe them because you can't imagine that your friend would ever do that.

And then when you do find out the truth you feel that much more foolish. And angry. Angry at your friend. Angry at yourself. I'm the one who's in charge of me and the things I do. I'm the one who puts me in the situations I get into. I'm the one who deceives me and blinds me from the truth. That's why I blame myself. It's hard to believe that a sense of personal responsibility could come to this.

But by the same token, I always dish back what I suffer. Vengeance is my privelege. To suffer alone is noble but chivalry is dead. How could she do this to me? Calling me a slut? Talking about the personal details of my sex life with other people? Whenever she slept with someone that I knew, I never asked them any details. Was she loose? Was she tight? Was she wet? Was she dry? Did she like it better on her back or from behind? Was she a screamer or a moaner? Did she go down on him? Did he go down on her? Were her tits firm or did they sag? I could have asked any of these questions. And then talked with my friends about it so we could all have a good laugh together. But I didn't. I guess that's the difference between me and her. I still care.

I think the part that surprises me most is that she was even interested in knowing these things about me in the first place. I mean, I told her that I had feelings for her and she told me that she didn't return them. If I had thought that she was interested in knowing what kinds of things I like to do in the bedroom then I'm sure we could have talked about it. She said that it would be wierd for her to do that with a friend. But is she even a friend? Would a friend do this? If she wasn't really a friend then why should I feel bad about having feelings for her? Why would she ever care what I think of her? Why would it be so difficult for her to admit things to me that she had screwed up in her life? Don't tell Spencer. Her unofficial motto.

And whenever I did happen to find something out it's always major fucking meltdown time.

Explode.

Throw things back in his face that he's screwed up so he doesn't focus on the bad things that I've done.

Surprise him.

Catch him off guard with things that you know about him that he doesn't think you know.

And now that he knows something that could damage you, drive him away.

Talk behind his back about some girl who gave him a blowjob and laugh about it with your friends.

Laugh about the ugly girl he went home with one time when he was too drunk to think.

Call him a slut.

Call him creepy.

Drag up anything from his past that he's confided in you and then broadcast it to the world.

Throw his friendship away so that the evil thing you've done never resurfaces. Erase all trace of your past. Cease to enjoy companionship. Curl up into a ball on the floor. And die.

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Sensory depravation doesn't suit me. I've been without my cell phone for 13 hours now. There's no telling what could be happening in the world without my knowledge. I need to be connected. Plugged in. I need to be a part of something that's bigger than myself. I'm pretty sure I left it in Patrick's car. He won't be rolling out of bed until 11 AM. It's only 9:45 now. I probably won't see my phone until sometime after 12. And by then it may be too late.

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Why do people talk about me when they're bored? Why would people rather talk about me then talk to me? Why is it that whenever someone hears something about my sex life they're always curious but never curious enough to want to ask me about it? Is it that somehow what I do and who I do it with is so important that they need to know the truth but can't bear the thought of asking me personally? Whatever the reason, I'm going to try to find out this weekend. Heads will roll, one way or another.

If you feel a disturbance in the force, don't worry. It's just me doing what I do when my hand is forced.

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Hate what you fear

I will paint a picture of myself so you can throw darts at it. I'll be the white whale to your Ahab. And the whole time you think you are hating me you will actually be hating the part of yourself that resembles me. Unable remove or totally conceal that slice of your psyche you will lash out at the personification of it in me. The readily assailable representation of that which you hate in yourself. And to anyone who passes by you can say, "I hate this type of person. They are what makes me spit vile comments and recoil in disgust." But the inside of you will be saying, "Don't look at me. Look at him. If you think I resemble him in any way you are mistaken. How can I be like him if I hate him the way I do?" And such is the way hate has always been.

If you are unable to overthrow me or properly abuse me by yourself then stir up disconent for me among your peers. Band together to surround me and hoist me like a trophy-fish in mock victory. But know within yourself that the members of your lynch party hate me for the same reason that you do which makes them also objects of your hatred. And they know the same thing about you. Feel that creeping paranoia of the things about yourself that you have revealed with your hatred.

How long will it be before you turn on each other?

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Reflection is Suicide

I'm angry. It's taken me a while to come to this conclusion, mostly because I'm angry so much that I hardly notice anymore. I'm angry about every time I've been made to look foolish in my life. Every time I did something stupid. I want to erase those events. Silence the people who know anything about them.

I spent the first 15 years of my life trying to hide anything about myself that mattered. The kids I went to school with taught me early on that anything I showed about myself was a potential lever for ridicule. And the ridicule I endured about things that didn't matter was a lot easier to stomach. Lashing back at anyone who teased me was never effective. The best defense was to make their opinions not matter. It's a lot easier to not care then to fight back.

Except that I still hate those people who made me run away. Who made me hide myself and turtle for protection. Sometimes I think that the only two things I know how to do are fight back or run away. You can claim that you're a certain type of person but you can only lie about it to yourself for so long before you reflect on your past and see the difference.

I envy the people who can not care about themselves and their images. The people who don't care what anyone else thinks. The carefree. The non-realistic. Sometimes I wonder if they truly don't care or if it's simply that they don't know. How free I could be if only I were ignorant. If I could not recognize anybody else's reactions. If I could stop reading into other people's actions and the words that they choose. The words they don't choose.

I'm glad that I finally gave in to violent music. Singing along with the anguish and stricken pride. Releasing little angry bits in lonely moments. Dreaming about what I should have said or did in one moment or another. Dreaming about what I will do the next time I'm in a similar situation. Training my reactions. Tailoring myself like a stage productions. Rehearsing for the inevitable and the unlikely alike. Improving my life. Clawing back at the world that had scarred me. Fighting back again. Vowing to never again be caught without a comeback. Without a retaliation of some sort. To never be forced to back down or walk away.

Sun Tzu taught me that the most effective attack is a counterattack. So now I wait for confrontation. Even inviting it. Relishing in it. Striving for it. Needing the rush and release of conflict. Hating the moments I am without it. The wasted moments without revenge. The unresolved list of people who didn't notice me for who I really am. The person that I purposefully hid from them to protect myself. The person they could have known but neglected in their own self-protection strategy. The surprise attack. First blood. Hurt them before they can hurt you. Break up with them before they can break up with you. Be the one doing the damage so you can feel superior.

But glory is fleeting. And a feeling that depends on the way you treat someone else goes away once that person refuses to cooperate. Refuses to play a part in that fantasy. Every would-be bully has these daydreams. Imagining that everyone will just give in and take whatever abuse they're willing to give. But all it takes is one person to square off against them and they think twice the next time they try it. That's me. The sniper who's picking off the bullies with my self-esteem. My ego that relies on how I treat myself rather than how I treat other people, thus ensuring that it will never go away. This is the root of confidence and power. And it belongs to me.

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From one George W to another

This whole 'War on Iraq' thing is hilarious, isn't it? Right from the getgo it's been more like a comedy routine than an actual conflict. What was it called when it first started? Operation: Shock and Awe? I remember that first week fondly. All I heard from CNN was, "Yes, folks. This is definitely Shockinaw happening here in this town you've never heard of south of Baghdad. How can they withstand such Shockinaw..."

Does anyone else remember what happened in those first few weeks last April? The yanks and the Brits moved in and got mad at the other "civilised" nations for not joining them. The US ambassador to Canada addressed our parliament hinting that the lack of Canadian support in this conflict would "strain relations" between our two countries. And then dear old Chretien asked for more proof of the WMD's and he was told that he knew everything he needed to know already. Hilarious.

I was thinking about it just the other day and I now have a new take on this whole Iraqi conflict. The US declared war on Saddam Hussein for very particular reasons. Does anyone remember what they were?

1) He was making nuclear and biological Weapons of Mass Destruction that threatened the peace that other countries enjoyed.

2) He was a a) dangerous b) dictator who c) denied freedoms from Iraqi citizens that the rest of the world felt they should enjoy.

3) He was causing instability in the Middle East and other areas.

4) He and his cronies were using various oil companies to steal money from Iraq.

5) He was encouraging other nearby countries to commit violent acts.

Furthermore, the US didn't decide to do this because the Middle East has rich oil reserves that many US companies have invested in or because their military was so much more powerful than Iraq's but rather because it was the right thing to do. The US saw injustices happening in a foreign country and they decided to stick their big noses into it. The conflict was simply to depose Hussein as a dictator and end his reign of terror. In the end, it didn't matter that there weren't any WMD's because a good thing was done anyway.

Now, to look at this from a new perspective. What would happen if Canada declared war on George W Bush for the same reasons he declared war on Saddam Hussein? First of all, let's see how closely the reasons match up:

1) Does the US have nuclear and biological Weapons of Mass Destruction that threaten us and the peace that other countries enjoy? Yes.

2a) Is George W Bush dangerous? Not easy to prove without a shadow of a doubt but the way he changes his opinion I'm sure we can make a solid case. After all, we only need a reason to go to war. It's not like we have to prove it in a court of law or anything.

2b) Is George W Bush a dictator? Well, he didn't actually get the majority vote during the election which means that he has usurped the electoral process so... Yes.

2c) Is George W Bush denying freedoms from US citizens? Yes. Easily proven with the whole gay marriage thing and probably several other instances that don't spring immediately to mind.

3) Is he causing instability in the Middle East and other regions? Definitely. Quite a bit of instability all over the place. Ask anybody in nearly any country.

4) Is he assisting other people or oil companies to steal money from Iraq? Well, maybe not Iraq, but his family's wealth is heavily rooted in Texas oil companies which have invested heavily in Middle Eastern countries so... Yes.

5) Has he encouraged other countries to commit violent acts? Definitely. How pissed were the US that only Britain joined them in Iraq after they so generously extended the "invitation" to so many others like Canada, France and Germany.

To clinch the argument, I don't think that Canada should worry about the fact that the US has such a strong military. We see injustices happening in an otherwise good country and I personally think we have no option but to stick our big noses in it. This is the right thing to do. For us and for our friendly neighbours, the citizens of the USA. In the end, it won't matter if all of our initial reasons hold up or not because a good thing will have been done.

So, from one George W to another, watch your step, buddy.

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Kurt died for our sins!

R.I.P. Kurt Cobain

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Reality bends me

I'm sweating pure energy. It's being pushed out of every pore of my body and running down my back in rivulets. I can't seem to keep it in. I'm manic. I'm a leaky energy ship. I'm goin' down like Titanic. Nurse. Take away this IV and hook up the garden hose. And make sure it's the good stuff. High octane only.

I wonder if lack of R.E.M. can cause you to hallucinate that you have telekinetic powers. Because if I get jumped while I'm walking home, I'm going to need them. Sun Tzu would be ashamed of the way I've allowed my defenses to drop. Good thing we're not really at war and this is all just pretend.

The playoffs positions have been decided. Toronto plays Ottawa in the first round again. So much for Ottawa's playoff hopes.

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The wonderful things that sleeplessness brings

I'm sitting in IHOP. It's 10:30 AM. I've just finished working 14 hours. I thought about going home and sleeping before coming back to work. But I have laundry to do so it would be a few hours before I got to bed and then I wouldn't be able to come to work tonite once I slept. So I'm just going to head back to the lab after breakfast and finish the 6 to 7 hours of testing that I have left to do. I know what you're thinking. Crazy, right? Maybe. But I think stubborn more accurately describes my condition, though.

In high school, I was a long distance runner. I ran in 7 and 8 kilometer races once a week every fall. I did fairly well too until I developed a knee problem. A lot of people thought that I had very good endurance but it's not really true. The truth is that I was good because I refused to give up on anything. I found something that rewarded relentlessness and then cashed in. Since then, I've continued this stubborn refusal with many things. Like work. Today. But also when I drink. I used to buy more alcohol than I realistically needed in one night just to make sure I had enough. But I soon discovered that this was not such a bright strategy when my body would refuse to accept that I'd had enough. I would simply keep drinking until I was physically incapable of drinking anymore. And, as it turns out, I am physically capable of quite a bit.

This is one of the reasons why I've been shy about trying drugs. I know that I have the kind of mindset and personality that would continue devouring abstract chemicals until I had a sufficient enough near-death experience to scare me straight. I'm the type of person who heavily uses any vice I come into contact with. This overindulgence can be useful. Like today. Making money is a good thing. But mostly it's the type of thing that causes things to go too far. I'm the guy back in the 80's who would have invented crack because cocaine just wouldn't have been good enough for me.

So here I sit. My back hurts a little. I'm feeling just a little anxious and edgy about everything around me. And my eyes burn just a little bit. I'm feeling grubby because, of course, I haven't showered since yesterday and I have pretty bad gutrot from the entire pot of coffee that got me this far. Food will either revive me or put me straight to sleep. My mind is still fresh, though. I'm not seeing anything that shouldn't be there and everything that I do see makes sense. No dancing syrup containers or pink salt shakers. It seems mostly to be physical tiredness that hasn't reached my brain yet. When it does I'll crash like a jet plane but until then? Nothing can stop me.

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Happysad

I'm walking home. I'm very happy. I'm singing a song in my head. It's James Brown.

"I feel good. nah-nuh-nah-nuh-nah-nuh-nah. I knew that I would now..."

I'm almost there. My day has gone so well. I just got paid today. A big check from all the overtime I've been working lately.

"I feeeee-eeel goood. nah-nuh-nah-nuh-nah-nuh-nah. I knew that I would now..."

I'm doing the math in my head on how much debt I can pay off. I figure that I can write a check for 2000 dollars and still be doing alright. Finally, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. This immense debt that I've been dragging behind me doesn't feel quite so heavy anymore. I feel like I can afford to breathe freely again without the subconscious thought that I haven't really earned a right to the air around me. I feel like all my hard work is finally paying off.

"So good. Bap-bap.."

I just want to tell everyone about how good I feel. I can't wait to tell my roommates about it the second I'm in the door.

"So good. Bap-bap..."

I turn the key and open the door in one motion because I'm so anxious to share my good news.

"I got you. Bup-bup-blap-bap-bup-bup......"

And there's no one else home. My roommates aren't here. The lights are all out. The place is dark.

Silent.

Empty.

I think briefly about where they could be but the thought has no meaning. They're a couple. They could be anywhere. Out having dinner someplace. Or maybe just walking through some park somewhere...

I think briefly about who I could call right now to share my news with. But then that dark cloud comes back. Who would want to hear my news? Who would be so interested in my life that they would feel happy for me despite whatever's going on in their life? So the phone stays off.

The room stays silent a few moments longer. I sit down on the couch in a relaxed position. I find myself thinking about all the times before this when I was in a relationship. That doesn't last very long so my thoughts wander to the times when I almost got involved with one woman or another but it didn't happen for one reason or another. There was always a reason. Each instance had its own reason. Sometimes I was rejected. Sometimes I was the one rejecting someone else.

Can it all just be a luck thing? Was there something I could have done to make it all turn out differently? But then I think about the fact that I truly have no regrets. My doubts about my selfworth seem to dissolve a little. But just a little. Now, instead of being a thick brick wall between me and my self-esteem it's a see-through membrane that presses back against me whenever I try to push past it like some kind of psychological rubber band.

Why is it that I can't just feel good about myself? Why do I always come back to the feeling that I want or perhaps even need someone else in my life to make me feel complete? This whole thing is depressing. And it just doesn't fit with the way I've felt all day until this moment. Now my head is confused and my heart won't co-operate.

I'm not going to stand for this anymore.

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Money, money, money, mooooney

My dad just called me. He's looking for some kind of business to do during the summer because he already works all winter on the oil rigs. The dispersion and displacement of money confuses me sometimes. If you waste money on something then that generally means that you spent your own money on something that you're not going to get very much use out of. Its value to you is less than the value of the money you put into paying for it. Conversely, if you get a good deal on something it's because the use you'll get out of whatever it is is worth more than the money you put into it. Or perhaps on a deeper level, the use you get out of something would be worth more than the effort you put into earning the money it took to buy it.

I've always wondered why people get upset when they think about the fact that the person or business from whom they are purchasing a particular product or service is making a profit on their money (or effort.) People do the same with people they work for as well, they feel disheartened or disillusioned with the fact that their effort is making their boss money. The whole cycle has been made to look like a dirty thing. Unionists have painted capitalists and business owners as evil people who would skin their workers alive if they thought it would increase their profit margin. The sad part is that some capitalists and business owners actually do squeeze their employees for all their worth without giving anything back. The whole world needs to realize that dollars are truly equivalent to effort or energy. If an employer wants maximum effort from their employees they will pay for their effort with an equivalent dollar sum.

Unions tend to create employees who earn a lot of money without having to work very hard for it. This gives the average person a disillusioned view of themselves and their value to society. How many farmers get paid as much as plumbers or carpenters or auto workers? The few who do are probably large landowners and their employees are the ones getting shafted. In comparison, which product is more important, food or cars? Housing is very important but perhaps not as important as food. And plumbing is a necessity in modern cities but, again, not as important as food. The de-valuing of food doesn't stop there. How many chefs have reached the kind of payscale as the above-mentioned union employees? Not many, and they're probably all working in expensive hotels. How about the other people who handle your food? People who work in supermarkets are generally in unions so they're taken care of. How about waiters and waitresses? Or the average cook in the average restaurant? People who work in canning and processing plants are paid very little unless they're part of a union.

So why is it that virtually everybody who works with food is paid less then average? Is it because people would grow their own food in their backyards and gardens if the price of food went up any higher than it is now? I doubt it. Many people, particularly people in cities, don't have backyards or gardens, nevermind having the time to tend them.

And what's the deal with all these union workers getting paid all this money? Why isn't there some kind of price revolt against paying so high a price for a product? First off, not all carpenters, plumbers and auto workers are in unions. So not all products made by these people are necessarily high priced. Secondly, at least part of what the unionists have been saying about the capitalists in our society is true. If all unions were abolished tomorrow and employee salaries went back down the payscale, we wouldn't see very much of a change in the price of a product. That extra money which used to go to the workers would go straight into the pockets of the business owners without very much thought at all for lowering prices. If the public had been accustomed to paying a certain price for cars in the past then they'll keep paying that much no matter what the auto workers are pulling in yearly.

This might sound good for the bosses at first, but it takes its toll in the long term. If the average person makes less money in general then he/she is less likely to buy that new car next year. It seems like a funny thing, but paying their employees less to increase their profits might eventually have a negative effect on overall sales. But what would happen if the unions became even more powerful and demanded more money for their employees from manufacturers? Well, there's no reason to stay in business if you're just losing money. Inevitably, in order to keep on an even keel the manufacturer will have to raise prices. But again, if the average car costs more in comparison to the amount of money that the average person makes in a year then he/she is less likely to buy a new car next year and this will have a negative effect on overall sales.

So what's the solution? I think the first step is to convince the capitalists that they can't gouge the consumers. This only works for short term sales. Like selling boats during a flood. Eventually, the flood will be over and there will be an overabundance of boats in the community in comparison to overall need and the boat dealership will have to close down. But I digress. I originally came here to talk about wasting money.

The funniest thing about wasting money is that it still goes somewhere. If I go out and buy an expensive coffee maker that I'm rarely going to use, the money I spent on it still goes to the people who made and sold the thing. If NASA spends money on research into a new kind of rocket technology that doesn't turn out to be useful, the money they spent still goes somewhere. The scientists who earned an income during the research will still spend their money on food at the supermarket. The machine shop they contracted the building of the prototype to has employees who earned incomes which were spent in some way.

The idea is that merely having money isn't good enough. The real wealth comes in moving the money around. This is a measure of productivity. Merely sitting on your laurels and having a fortune is not as good as having that fortune invested in a successful business that will produce its own income. A rechargeable battery that sits on the shelf is not as good as one that gets used up all day and recharged every night.

The capitalists need to find some kind of middle of the road. Money is no good if it just accumulates. Money that's never spent on anything is only as good as energy used for no useful result. This is why my dad wants to start a small business that he can just run in the summertime. He makes enough in the winter months to satisfy himself but being forced to sit for the rest of the year without doing anything useful and productive is very hard for him. I don't think that he's just naturally greedy, he would probably settle for something that pays considerably less than he makes on the rigs. After all, how many rackets can you find that allow you to make your whole year's income in 4 to 5 months?

Marketing is the process of finding a product or service that society either needs or at least needs at a lower price or to a higher technical level, and then bringing that product or service to the public. Dad has asked me to put my "big brain" to work for him and "come up with something" that he can do. In essence, he's looking for free marketing. Unfortunately, I'm not very good at marketing because I'm not very comfortable with sales and therefore I shy away from suggesting anything that wouldn't just sell itself. The only things that sell themselves are world changing ideas like TV and the telephone.

I have a lot more to say about this but I'm running out of steam right now, so i'll come back to it later.

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Mel Gibson sure knows how to sell

The following rant was originally written on March 7, 2004. If you haven't seen The Passion of the Christ yet then what I'm about to tell you may spoil the ending. Jesus dies.

I just watched 'The Passion of the Christ' last night. The images will probably stay with me forever. As far as bringing the viewer into the moment(s) of Jesus' persecution and crucifixion, I think dear old Mel Gibson has done a tremendous job. Bravo. Definitely some credit due here.

Jesus Christ was the ultimate martyr for his cause and, although this movie depicts Jesus as a little over the top at times, they certainly display his martyrdom and its impact on the people in Israel at the time quite dramatically. I can see why the Jewish community is a little upset, however. It seems like Mel divided up the persecution and crucifixion into two categories: the purposeful condemnation of Jesus as a political, religious and spiritual figure; and the mindless cruelty and torture of Jesus' physical being. In Mel Gibson's interpretation, the Jews (particularly the priesthood) in that time and place take full responsibility for his persecution. And the Romans who controlled that territory take full responsibility for the physical torment that Jesus suffered as a result. As fair as this seems to be at first glance, it's not quite that cut and dry.

Before the Jewish leaders brought Jesus to Pontius Pilate for punishment and crucifixion, he was already beaten badly, so not quite all of the physical punishment was Roman territory. In the movie, even Pontius Pilate comments on this fact openly. Besides that, always during the various beatings and punishments throughout the movie, it is ultimately a Roman figure who orders mercy for Jesus. And the lengths that this version goes to forgive Pontius Pilate for his actions and motives in the whole affair only serves to drive the point home that the Jewish community residing in Israel at the time should take full and unabetted responsibility for the removal of Jesus Christ from this world. There can be no doubt in my mind where Mr. Gibson's thoughts and feelings lay on this issue. There is very little discussion in this movie about the fact that Jesus wanted, predicted and even perhaps encouraged his own persecution at the hands of the powers that be.

Even if all this stuff about the Jews being responsible for the crucifixion is true, even if the Romans had nothing to do with any of it, does this one act even come close to comparing to all the persecutions that the Catholic Church has perpetrated on the Jewish people in the years since then in Jesus' name? Or how about all the persecutions that the same Church has performed in South America or Africa? How long can the Christians stay angry about this whole 'the Jews killed our Messiah' thing? Probably as long as there are living Jews who are descendants of the Jews at that time. After all, the Roman empire collapsed quite a long time ago, and it had already converted to Christianity besides. It seems a little inefficient to try to take it out on them.

Here's a question. If Jesus was really the son of God like the Christians claim, and he really did die for the reasons and in the manner that is told in Mel Gibson's 'Passion', then would He want any of the Christians to persecute any of the Jews for any reason? I thought the whole point was to let go of all that anger and to forgive even the persecutors and the perpetrators of all crimes? Aren't the Christians by their own creed and doctrine supposed to exercise forgiveness in His name? Didn't Jesus Christ Himself cry out for the Lord almighty to forgive these people for 'they know not what they do'? Or maybe he was just referring to the Romans when he said that...

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You never know where you're going to find yourself typing your thoughts into a laptop. That's really the beauty of it.

Man's vanity has molded God into an image that God himself either can't or doesn't want to fulfill. The basic problem I have with most religions and belief systems is that they all assume that mankind is the ultimate achievement of God's greatest efforts. Christianity has trouble fitting the dinosaurs into their belief system because it allows for the thought that either at one time God was more interested in something other than mankind, or that God is flawed enough to have been mistaken in making the dinosaurs and He then wiped them out to start fresh. Christianity cannot abide either option. In their system, God must be perfect and He must have wanted us first and foremost of all His creations. Else why would He have made us in His image, right?

Christianity also relies heavily on the Bible as a holy document of faith. How accurate can it be? Can it really be true that God has overseen all versions and copies that were ever made to ensure its accuracy? Can it really be true that since this holiest of holy books is His word and that he would never let anything corrupt it? Well, if this is true, then it must be that only a person of holy spirit and intent could possibly be able to copy it, right? Wrong. We all know that is isn't true. Anyone with a pen and paper can copy the Bible out verbatim.

So then it must be that God would shepherd the meaning contained in His word and His holy document so that even if a mistake is made then it will not have lost any of its intent, right? Let's examine this a little further. Let's say that you're going to copy the Bible word for word. Are you going to make mistakes? Of course you are. You're human. Are those mistakes going to have any effect on the meaning behind those words? Well, how many times have you misspelled a word in an email or a letter and it has changed the meaning entirely? Even spell checkers often miss these errors. Especially the ones that make sense some other way. If it were true that no one could possibly making a mistake copying the Bible or translating from one language to another then why does it take a scholar or learned person to do it? Couldn't you just 'guess' at what should be there, intending the whole time to call this thing the Bible and to teach it to other people who have never heard of this thing before and have whatever you come up with be close enough to the meaning that is currently purported?

Of course, we all know that this isn't true. If it were then no one would misunderstand the things that are written there, either. As soon as they were read or heard or otherwise transferred into the brain of a human (one of God's children) then the words would always take on higher meaning and the love and peace would overwhelm whoever was exposed to them. But why are so many Christian groups always the ones who are inciting violence and pushing for war? Why were the crusades fought? I like to think of every visit by a primarily Christian-believing world power in the Middle East as just another crusade. This means that the count doesn't stop at 12 or 16 or however many there were in the Middle Ages. There were several modern crusades immediately following World War II. The US has been fighting a 'silent crusade' for many years in the form of arming both sides of a conflict and encouraging them to fight. I'm not sure if you can count the first Gulf War as a crusade exactly but you sure can count the current Iraqian excursion as a modern crusade. The heavily Christian government which is currently in power in the US has hardly even disguised its true intentions in Iraq. What the Americans call 'democracy' could also be called 'Christian Prevalent Justice'. They want some kind of say in what kind of society is built in Iraq but even the Iraqis who want freedom are unwilling to give that kind of power to the United States.

If the general public now knows that there are no WMD's in Iraq then I guess we can credit Michael Moore for having the balls to be the first to stand up a year ago to publicly denounce the reasons behind this war. But if Michael Moore gets that kind of credit then I hope we also give credit to former Prime Minister Chretien for standing up to all the political pressure from the States and not joining in the fight. I hope we also give credit to the French and the Germans who decided not to join their "allies" in the Iraqi conflict. Is anyone eating Freedom Fries? Give it up. There's only so far you can push a free people. There's only so much atrocity we can handle. And that is exactly why we want freedom for the people in the Middle East. Instead of having to go to war against them every time they provoke violence, we can simply rely on their populace to be educated and powerful enough to stop their own governments from doing the kind of inhuman harm we have seen them perform.

Why is it that a dictator couldn't rise here and commit atrocities in our name the way dictators have in German, Russian, and Chinese recent history? Because our populations are powerful in comparison to the few who govern. The politicians have to answer to us. At no time in any democracy has this become as evident as it has in Canada. In recent times, Canadians have absolutely massacred political parties in elections because of their leaders' mistakes. We are running out of political parties to destroy. If Paul Martin isn't able to pull things together with the big, hairy, messy scandal that Jean Chretien left him with then who are we going to vote for? I'll tell you now that I'm very proud that I don't vote in Federal elections. My biggest fear would be voting for the party that gets in power and then having to show my face in public when they screw up and steal a bunch of taxpayers' money. I personally believe that the power of democracy is alive and strong here in Canada. If it turns out that Paul Martin is involved in this whole thing somehow then I'm proud to say that we'll persecute him just the same as the others, along with the entire Liberal party. This kind of thing could never happen in the US. The people there are too afraid to give any one party too much power and they really couldn't handle a third alternative (as Ralph Nader has been very adept at proving). But, I digress. I really came here to talk about God.

If there is a God, and I believe that there is, then it seems unlikely that He went through all this trouble just to achieve us. I'm vain, but I'm not that vain. I don't believe that He made the dinosaurs simply because He was 'trying something new' for a few hundred million years and then simply got too tired of them. I don't think that He spun the Earth and the planets off of a gaseous mass into individual pools of matter and waited so long for them to cool because he was playing at something. Nor do I believe that He simply winked this whole thing into existence in a matter of days. I think that if He is truly immortal (and thus immortally patient) then He would have a few billion years to spare while forming the Earth from molten material. Nor do I think that He would resort to any kind of 'miracle work' or trickery to accomplish any kind of goal. He would obviously use mathematics and Physics to do everything. Else why would he have put them here? Why else would there be forces that affect and govern the movement and behaviour of everything in the universe?

Churches used to be the center of all knowledge. The only learned people were clerics. (In some places in the world, this is still true.) If anyone wanted to know something they had to go and ask a cleric and it was in the cleric's best interest, and the best interest of the church, monastery, or religious affiliation to which he belonged, to have that answer. This led to many untruths in ancient times. If an ordinary layman were to ask a cleric about the movement of the sun and the cleric didn't know then he would probably say that it revolved around the Earth because that is the way that it appears at first glance. If a poor wretch came to ask about the size and shape of the Earth then a cleric (who had no way of knowing the real truth) would likely say that it was flat and that if you went too far in one direction to prove him wrong then you would fall off the edge.

In ancient times, all scientific and mathematical study was conducted by the clerics. Therefore, whenever a new thing was discovered about the world, like relative rotations of the Sun and Earth and the general flatness of the planet we live on, then the clerics could easily disseminate this information to those people who necessarily needed to know. All this changed in the Christian faith, and most particularly in the branch of christianity which had considerable power during the Renaissance, Catholicism. The clerics (now called priests) no longer did any scientific or mathematical study. They had a prefabricated volume of all necessary knowledge and a doctrine prescribed by a central headquarters in Rome.

People still went to them with questions about the world around them and the priests (being the intelligent and educated people in society all through the Middle Ages) were expected to know the answers. But during the Renaissance, ordinary people started getting an education. (The reason for this has a lot to do with economic and political things that were changing around this time which I won't discuss here.) People outside the religious order started asking questions and finding the answers for themselves. They started discovering inconsistencies between what seemed to be the truth and what the Church had been telling them for many years. There were some persecutions. The Church officially started trying to keep a lid on the truth. This was the first of many mistakes for Christianity.

The Pope had the power to enforce his doctrine but not the logical argument to back it up. Eventually, England decided to throw out the Catholic doctrine and form its own Church. It turns out that they were a powerful enough country to do this without very severe repurcussions. I believe they called it the Protestant Church. Outside of the influence of Rome, universities were free to explore these exciting scientific truths that were discovered by Copernicus and Galileo. All of a sudden, England was not only the place to be free of stuffy Catholicism, it was a center for new scientific research and knowledge. It is no surprise that England was the home of the first person to discover a way to make Calculus work.

The Church, stubbornly, towed the line of party policy and age-old doctrine. In the eyes of the educated people of France and Germany, who could see the truth behind the logic of the 'Natural Philosophers' (as scientists were then known), the Power the Church held over them began to weaken. They saw the wonder and reasoning behind all the science that was being developed and they wanted some for themselves. So they also began defying Catholic policy and developing scientific research of their own. The resulting explosion of technology and improvement eventually blew up into the Industrial Revolution just in time for the European powers (particularly England) to exploit the New World (North America).

The longer that each national power held on to old Christian teaching without allowing new knowledge to 'muddy' their religious view, the later they came into the Industrial age. Russia followed a little later than others. Italy and Greece were two of the last great European countries to move forward and accept these new ways, even though Italy had originally been the founding nation of the Renaissance.

Anyone can see now that science is the true ruler of our current age. Technology is the weathervane of our times. Whichever new concept comes tomorrow to lead us further will probably be readily accepted by everyone in the immediately visible world. So why do we still have people who believe in the Bible as if its word is strict law and everything in it is above reproach by the reaches of science?

People have to accept that Truth can take many forms. It can show itself spiritually (i.e. not literally) in the form of an ancient text. It can be brought forth in the form of a new scientific discovery about the geological history of the Earth. And yes, it can show itself in the form of moderately educated middle-class citizens who merely study and think, like Galileo (I bet you thought I was going to say 'like me', didn't you). The past 500 hundred years has seen a split between knowledge and religion. But it's time to change that. Science has never said that God doesn't exist. All it has really said is that it cannot prove that God does exist. At the very best, (and this is being generous) science has said that if God exists he doesn't take the form, shape or doctrine that humans have previously believed. If we can all accept that then we'd be a lot further than we are today.

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Can we be frank with each other? Get right to the point without any BS? George Carlin said it best when he pointed out that all the important decisions are limited by our choices. 31 flavours of ice cream but only 2 political parties. But I ask you, where is George Carlin now? Anger management has helped me quite a bit over the years. I used to be quite insane. Now I'm just manageably random. My roommate told me today that hanging out with me makes her butt clench. I'm not sure if it counts as a compliment but these days I'll take what I can get. Please don't be surprised or offended if anything on this blog shocks you. In the "real world" I'm known as the loud guy but it's difficult to raise my voice with text. I'll try to keep the foul language to a minimum but I can't promise that I'll play nice.

A few notes about me. I'm an engineer working in Kelowna, BC, Canada. I test radios and cell phones for "potentially cancer-inducing electromagnetic energy levels". It sounds really cool but in reality it's just a job like any other. Someday I want to work for Sony but I'm pretty sure that I'll have to learn Japanese before I can get the kind of design job that *I* want. So, I've taken up Jiu Jitsu. I've only learned 3 japanese words so far but the exercise is fun. I'm currently single but it's not for lack of trying. For some reason I have a knack for making all the wrong choices with women. Nothing new here, a lot of people haven't exactly cornered the market on knowledge of the opposite sex. Oh, while we're on the subject. I'm starting a club for people who are really good in bed. Would you like to join?

I have very strong views on nearly all topics and I'm not afraid to debate them with anybody whose views differ from my own. So please try not to be offended if we chat about it and you fail to convince me that your opinion is superior. We can still be friends. I promise.

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